I remember the confidence in Grandmother's proclamation that getting social expertise by having the right responses would give us life-long benefits. We weren't to judge others by not giving such a blessing on ANY basis. If it didn't "set and stay" on someone it would generally make our neighborhood and town a better community for having said it. This was more than politeness; it was how we expressed concern, and how we made our world better.
She was happy when we got to the point we no longer had to be prompted, when we did such niceties spontaneously. We were happy because she was happy. We took her lessons in and the idea that now we were set to get along with others well for the rest of our lives.
So many things have shifted and stretched since then that the confidence she had in simply memorized kind customs may not always be correct. Her path probably isn't being passed forward in any of the branches of our family tree. Not as she would have taught them anyway. There is a need for new ways to express ourselves to deal with society today. Things have changed so fast that I am having to learn another round of proper terms or phrases rather than my teaching the old ways that always worked before.
I want to seed my children and children's children with the best of their heritage, with faith, hospitality and kindness, but that now has to balance with 'don't speak to strangers' which is necessary today more than ever. A hefty prayer and maybe a karate class seem like better advice today for them.
We are a part of the community of life around us, and that means the teaching of 'wise as a serpent, gentle as a dove' is still right to me to hold up for them. Certainly we must be more cautious, more discerning, more ready with how to handle the possible IFs we might meet. We also need to think through the old lessons keeping the gems and gain, while using a keener eye on what we do, say and why we are doing it.
I intend to keep on blessing people who sneeze, silently for the most part, and praying for them quickly for their realer needs, too.
The God that blesses is always the same
